I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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