Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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