so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
