Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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