Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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