So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
