her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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