A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
