i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
