My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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