the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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