the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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