I think I died a long time ago.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
