You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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