1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
