Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
