She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
