I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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