I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
