Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
