The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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