dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
