1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, beer. Big fan.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
