Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
