i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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