We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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