hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I cockslap morals
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
