my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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