Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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