The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
