I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
