his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
a search helicopter?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
