Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
