Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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