Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
be right there i have to get my cape
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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