I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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