the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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