I'm jealous of your bromance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just want nice things and good sex
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
