Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
