Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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