Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
