I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
