I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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