i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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