he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
