this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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