coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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