Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
