The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
