He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
