She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
