omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
