well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
